Codependent.

I'm sure it comes as no great shock to anyone that I'm codependent.  I have thought that I was codependent for a while, but I started reading a book.  The book opens with some examples of codependent people, then the author talks about how they were extreme examples.  The problem?  I identified with basically all of the stories.

I have a lot of work to do.  I was pretty much born into the codependent role.  It will be a tedious task to tease out which traits are my codependency and which are not.  It's like the time that I found out my knees were double jointed.  The ortho doc wondered if my continuously locking my knees back was causing my hip pain during my pregnancy and following the delivery of my first child.  He suggested that I make a conscious effort to keep my knees forward.  The thing was that I had no idea that I was locking my knees back.  That is what was natural for me and how was I to know that it was abnormal?  Those were the only knees that I've ever experienced!!

Well at any rate, I'm ready to start on a new path.  Between the book and my counselor, I think I have  some good tour guides.  One thing that my counselor emphasizes for me is that I need to story trying to solve everyone else's problems.  She says that I will feel a lot lighter once I'm not carrying everyone else's burdens.  As a step in that direction, she suggests that I regularly review the serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Tell, again.

A little over 2 months ago, I told Superwoman about the affair.  It was such a relief to get that off my chest.  It was a comfort that I told her the whole story and she still loved me.  I've had so many people (ahem, the mommies) judge my actions without walking in my shoes.

Superwoman, Pretty and I try to get out once a month.  We usually pamper ourselves and spend some time without the kids.  I've wanted to tell Pretty for some time, but she was going through a personal crisis of her own and I didn't want to add to it.

Telling her was dramatically different than telling Superwoman.  Superwoman holds a lot of anger toward The Mister and tried to rally Pretty in that anger.  But Pretty instantly began crying and all she could say was "it makes me so angry that you felt you couldn't tell us."

Oh my gosh, how did I get so lucky to have two of the very best friends on the planet??