Life.

I have said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again, but my kids are my reasons for living.  Literally.  I have been at the depths of despair and the only thought I can hang onto besides the blinding pain is that my kids need me.  And thus I need them.  The other night The Mister and I had a fight.  We have a horrible habit of letting our fights span over a long time until they are resolved.  I'll claim most of the responsibility to this because when I am angry, I completely shut down.  Anyway, I was upset about something (I don't even remember what it was now), but The Mister ended up falling asleep.  I laid awake and couldn't stop crying.  And hearing The Mister sleeping peacefully did absolutely nothing to console me.  All I could think about was how I would give just about anything to end this pain.  Did I make any plans?  No.  But did the option cross my mind as a means to end the pain?  Yes.  So, I decided that it was best to go snuggle with my kids in their bed.  I needed the reminder of the things that make life worth living.  And the tears stopped and I was able to quickly drift off to sleep.