Today I told my BFF, Superwoman, about the affair. It was equally one of the most terrifying and freeing things that I've ever done. We were going on a road trip to visit our college town on the 10 year anniversary of the day she died. We had 6 hour round trip drive ahead of us, so I figured that it was as good a time as any to have the talk.
Very few people that I see in real life know about the affair - in fact, prior to today, only one person that I hang out socially knew and she only found out because things went down so publicly in my "mommies" group. I didn't want to tell our friends and family for a couple of reasons. First and foremost because I carried so much guilt over the whole thing. I saw it as a failure on my part (I'm slowly getting over this). I didn't want to feel judgement or swayed in my decision in any way by their opinions. And, finally, I didn't want to feel like I had to defend The Mister.
I prefaced what I told Superwoman with that. I told her that I was especially concerned about something insensitive that her husband would say because I just wasn't strong enough to handle it. She understood all of that, she just couldn't believe that I carried that secret for so long. I took great comfort in the fact that she was just as shocked as I was. I didn't feel quite so stupid for being absolutely dumbfounded.
We talked a lot during the drive and throughout the day, it seemed that the conversation would gravitate back toward the affair. I became very aware that there is a degree of detachment from the emotions surrounding the affair. Any in depth conversations that I've had regarding the affair were very early on when the emotions were raw and the pain was fresh (excluding conversations with The Mister). So, I think that's a sign of healing...hopefully?
At some point, I text The Mister and tell him that I told her. He responds with "What did she say?" and I told him that she was angry at him. He said "Well, she is your friend." And she is. She is pretty angry at The Mister, but she's also very supportive of me. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted after telling her.
My personal outlet as I attempt to recover from the trauma of infidelity. Follow my journey as I attempt to pick up the pieces following the discovery of my husband’s 6 month affair with someone that I considered to be a friend, battle depression, and more. Check out the links to the right to get caught up on my saga.
