Legacy.

There have been days in the past year that my kids were the only thing keeping me from actually contemplating suicide.  No lie.  There were days that I was sure that they were my only reason for living.  My heart ached thinking of my children being raised by the Whore.  My kids' futures weighs very heavily on my mind and guide my decisions daily.  I know that I am a role model for them and I take that responsibility very seriously.

I've never really pieced it all together, but I'm starting to have concerns about some red flags.  You see, the Mister's dad cheated on his mom.  In fact, he is still married to her to this day.  The other thing that I recently remembered is that his uncle (so, the Mister's dad's brother) was cheated on by his wife.  Now, I never got to meet his paternal grandfather because he passed away long before the Mister and I started dating, but I'm beginning to wonder what he really was like.  I am really questioning what his marriage was like.  Most of all, I am wondering if there is something that has been passed down between generations.  This scares me.

I vow to do everything in my power to break this cycle.  I'm hoping that my kids are now young enough that they won't ever catch on to the absolute betrayal.  But, from here on out, my goal is to show them how to be a healthy individual - hopefully in a healthy, loving relationship.  But if not, I want to show them that I can be a strong person who picks myself up after getting out of a unhealthy relationship.