Special.

One major issue that I have been struggling with as of late is feeling special.   There is common discussion among betrayed wives criticizing the other woman for feeling "special."  And if you spend any time around a bunch of betrayed wives, you will hear the old cliche "Did you think you were the only one?  What, you thought you were special?"  As if the other woman is the stupid one for thinking that SHE was special.  And as fucked up as it all is, I had to hold my tongue on more than one occasion in order to keep myself from uttering this sentiment to The Whore.     It's gross.  And I can assure you that it has more to do with the betrayed wife's insecurities than the other woman.

Unfortunately, having the clarity on the "special" situation does not in any way make me feel any more special.  I used to feel special.  You see, I was under the impression that I'd met my soulmate, had a nearly perfect relationship, and was married to a trustworthy, faithful man.  However, most of what I thought I knew was a sham.  The Mister turned into someone that I didn't even recognize - a selfish, deceitful person.  And because of this I am left to question our entire history.  I am truly worried that everything that made US special was a lie.  I am angry because we have not just been knocked down from our "special" spot high above all the others, but I fear that we are currently below most other relationships.

I know that my self-worth extends beyond my relationship with The Mister.  But, I honestly thought that we had something special.  I could not believe how incredibly lucky I was.  I was certain that I did not deserve it.  So, it hurt so deeply when it all came crumbling down.  I was completely dumbfounded that The Mister gave it all away.  I was devastated that he gave my "special" away.