Lonely.

At my last appointment, my counselor suggest that I start working on healing myself and hand The Mister back his baggage.  This is so hard for me because I'm terrified that The Mister will just take this as an indication that everything is okay between us.  But, as I slowly work my way out of my black hole of depression, I am beginning to find joy in life again.  I am finding hobbies to occupy myself.  It is so freeing!!  You have no idea how therapeutic tearing weeds out of the ground by the fistfull can be!  Especially teamed with some "girls rock" -type of music (the station that I was listening to really knew what kind of music I needed).  It can give you a whole new perspective on life.

The problem is that I feel myself separating from The Mister.  I stay at home with the kids, so I don't have a whole lot of outside interaction.  And prior to d-day #2, talking with his was enough.  But, as I let go of trying to control how he helps me heal, I am finding that it is no longer enough.  My friends/family/acquaintances that know - I either feel like they are quietly judging me or that they are almost avoiding me because they don't know what to say.  The ones who don't know - well, it's hard to talk to them while avoiding any conversation of this huge piece of my current reality. So, I'm lonely.  I wish I could find someone who has been through/is going through something like this.  But, unfortunately this is one of those taboo topics that no one discusses.