Anger.

The Kübler-Ross model, commonly referred to as the "five stages of grief", is a hypothesis introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross asserting that when a person (or a survivor) is faced with the reality of impending death or other extreme, awful fate, he/she will experience a series of emotional "stages."  The five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with what we have lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order.  (Grief.com)

I know that I went through the stages after D-day #1.  So, when D-day #2 rolled round and I felt pretty level-headed about everything, I thought maybe I was already to acceptance.  Not a chance.  More likely is that I was still in the denial phase.  I was right back at square one.  

Well on Saturday, I'm fairly certain that I hit the anger stage full-force.  I sent some pretty angry text messages to The Mister throughout the day (I didn't call because he was with a friend and the friend just found out that his Grandpa died).  But we talked on the phone Sunday evening when I unloaded on him - verbally this time.  I got to the point where I just had to hang up the phone because I had nothing constructive to say.  Afterwards, he sent me a text message saying he felt 'terrible' for what he did.  He says that a lot and it dives me crazy.  My hope is that he has difficulty finding the right words to accurately describe his feelings, but I feel like 'terrible' is FAR too superficial of a word to use to describe the agony that he has put me through.  So, I told him as much in an email.  And because that wasn't enough abuse, I sent a second email.  And the remarkable thing about The Mister is that he never complained.  He did all the right things (well, with the exception of trying to imply that something other than his misdeeds were the cause of my anger) - he agreed with me, he offered support, he showed affection and he still did the reading he promised AND made notes about some things that he wanted to share.

He's a good man.  He did something very, very wrong, but nevertheless, he IS a good man.