Reclaim.

A very smart friend of mine recently said something and even though she was talking about a completely different topic, what she said really resonated with me.  She said "Getting myself to say it out loud is really fucking hard, but it helps to let someone you trust know what you're doing."  So, that's what I am doing today.  I am reclaiming what is mine.

The last few days, I have become increasingly aware that I am far too focused on the past.  I need to let it go.  I can't change anything.  I can only move on and take my lesson with me.  Instead, I should be in the present and planning for the future.

One of my greatest difficulties is what I call "getting out of my head."  It's a nearly constant struggle to not get caught up in thoughts about various aspects of the whole situation.  However, I recently learned a little tool from the forums on Surviving Infidelity.  Generally it's suggested that you visualize a giant stop sign when your thoughts begin to wander to the affair or you start the mind movies.  But, that's not nearly enough fun.  Someone from the forums said that they visualize themselves literally kicking the other person out of their thoughts.  I LOVE THIS.  Not only does it actually help, but I also get to kick The Whore in the face several times a day.  It is SO empowering!!!

With my shiny new tool in my toolbox, I feel so much stronger and ready to move on with my life.  I am ready to reclaim what is mine.  I am saying it out loud for all of you to hear: 

I am reclaiming my mind!  I am reclaiming my spirit!  I am reclaiming myself!  I am ready to move on from this horrible chapter in my life, take the lessons with me, and set sails for a brighter future.

So, there you have it.  I've said it and now I have to follow through, right?  :-)  Did you think I was going to mention reclaiming The Mister?  Not. A. Chance.  I only have control over myself.  It's up to him repair what has been broken between us.  If he can't do it, I am not about to force anything.  I refuse to live my life trying to coax someone to treat me with respect and to love me like they should.  He gets one "do-over."  If he can't do it, then I'll take my lesson from that and keep on keeping on.  Until then, he is more than welcome to reclaim his marriage.