There are days where I have to remind myself...almost convince myself...that I don't hate The Mister, but I definitely hate what he did. I think I *could* hate him for what he did and I fear that if I let myself hate him, I will never be able to recover from that. I feel like I need to attempt to pick up the pieces of our shattered relationship not just for us, but also for our kids. I think we own it to the kids to see if we can successfully reconcile.
I've been told that it sounds like I am protecting The Mister. I have a couple theories on that. First of all, I've read that it's like a defense mechanism. Initially, your heart doles most of the blame to the other person. Then slowly, it allows you to place more and more blame on your significant other. In a way it protects you and give you the opportunity to process more slowly the hurt the other person has done to you in order for you to make the decision whether to stay and build trust or not.
To me, it also feels like I'm protecting him from those around me for my benefit. I am angry with him. More angry, hurt, confused, whatever than you can ever imagine. I'm hoping that I can some day forgive him for his actions. If I'm not completely certain that *I* can forgive him, how am I to expect those around me to forgive him and support our reconciliation?
My personal outlet as I attempt to recover from the trauma of infidelity. Follow my journey as I attempt to pick up the pieces following the discovery of my husband’s 6 month affair with someone that I considered to be a friend, battle depression, and more. Check out the links to the right to get caught up on my saga.
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